Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004) was a housewife from Baltimore USA. When a friend's mother died this apparently prompted Mary Frye to compose the verse, which in various forms has for decades now touched and comforted many thousands of people, especially at times of loss and bereavement.
According to the Kelly Ryan interview Mary's friend was a German Jewish woman (some reports say young girl) called Margaret Schwarzkopf. Mary Frye said that Margaret was her closest friend and felt unable to visit her dying mother in Germany due to the anti-Semitic feeling at home. This led to Margaret Schwarzkopf's tearful comment to Mary Frye, after a shopping trip, to say that she had been denied the chance to "... stand at my mother's grave and say goodbye". This prompt caused Mary Frye to write the verse there and then on a piece of paper torn from a brown paper shopping bag, on her kitchen table, while her distressed friend was upstairs. Mary Frye said the poem simply 'came to her'.
It's fascinating that the poem came into such widespread use, and this is was helped because it was not subject to the usual restrictions of copyright publishing controls.
It seems, although information is a little hazy about this, that at some time after Margaret Schwarzkopf's mother's death, friends of the Schwarzkopf family enabled or arranged for a postcard or similar card to be printed featuring the poem, and this, with the tendency for the verse to be passed from person to person, created a 'virtual publishing' effect far greater than traditional printed publishing would normally achieve.
This is Kelly Ryan's interpretation of how the poem began to spread, based on her research and interview of Mary Frye:
"The poem's journey began at that kitchen table in Baltimore. Margaret took it to work with her, and gave it to friends there. One had a relative who worked in the Federal Printing Press in Washington. Copies were 'done up' and given away..."
Because of the way the poem in its various versions spread without formal copyright, attribution or controlled publishing, the basic Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep verse has for many years been firmly in the public domain. For many years (and presently still among many people) the poem's origin was generally unknown, being variously attributed to native American Indians (especially Navajo), traditional folklore, and other particular claimant writers. The poem has appeared, and continues to, in slightly different versions, and there are examples also of modern authors adding and interweaving their own new lines and verses within Frye's work, which adds to confusion about the poem's definitive versions and origins.
From a research perspective this is all rather confusing, but in terms of spiritual and human reaction it's all very powerful and compelling, whatever way you look at it.
Any of the above versions might also be shown instead with the title 'Don't Stand at My Grave and Weep'. It's a matter of personal preference, although the 'Do Not Stand...' version is consistent with the Mary Frye claim and the most common interpretations. The full 'Do Not Stand..." is also arguably more rhythmical and poetically balanced and than the shortened 'Don't Stand...' version.
Since there is no clear 'definitive version', (and even if there were), it's a matter of personal choice as to which one to use, and the choice gets broader with every new poetic adaptation, and every new musical version.
So it is likely that the mystery - as well as the magical appeal - of the verse will continue. Probably the mystery has contributed to the poem's appeal. It is likely also that the poem will forever touch people, in the way that people are touched and inspired by Max Ehrmann's'Desiderata', and by Rudyard Kipling's 'If'.
'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep' and its timeless appeal provide a wonderful illustration of the power of language, and the power of ideas and concepts to spread far and wide, quite organically. Beautiful words transcend all else; they inspire, console and strengthen the human spirit, quite regardless of who wrote them.
attribution, use and copyright of the poem
Given the popularity and poignant nature of Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep, increasing numbers of people have an interest in using the words for songwriting and/or performance, or for some other usage which in the case of other copyright-protected works would usually warrant permission or licence from the author or rights holder.
In the case of Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep however such permission is arguably unnecessary, and is actually impossible to obtain, since ownership is not absolutely proven.
For what it's worth, if you are wondering about copyright, usage, permission, attribution, my view is that the 'original' version(s) of the poem (attributed to Mary Frye) are not subject to copyright restriction, because these versions are regarded now to be in the public domain; moreover no author has to date successfully established any copyright control over the 'original' versions of the work and is now probably never likely to do so.
The best available information - and therefore the default attribution statement for most people, until and unless better evidence is found - is that the ('original' Mary Frye) words of Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep are 'attributed to Mary E Frye, 1932'.
There are several musical versions already published - some via large reputable publishers. Useful clues and guidance as to appropriate attribution might be found by looking at how other publishers have attributed the work in their track-listings and publishing notes.
Be aware that many people have added new words to the 'original' Frye version(s) of the poem, which will in some cases be subject to copyright and potential liability if used without permission or licence. It is possible even that certain people have written extensions or adaptations of the 'original' public domain work chiefly or partly with such a motive (of deriving gain from others' use of the new part of the work), so caution is recommended in using any material, especially significantly and commercially, which falls outside of what could be deemed public domain content.
N.B. I am not referring here to single readings at funerals or related use, which has occurred widely and completely lawfully for many years, with or without attribution. I refer to copyright and attribution implications for commercial publishing, in which regard you must make your own decisions, ideally after doing your own research and if necessary seeking your own local qualified advice. These notes are for guidance only and carry no acceptance of any liability whatsoever.
possible influences
Whatever is the authorship and/or evolution of the poem Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep, its universal appeal is undeniable.
Yet the question of the poem's authorship and evolution into its modern versions is as intriguing as its vast appeal.
By virtue of its massive popularity, and irrespective of highbrow critical assessment, the poem contains a quality which makes it accessible and deeply meaningful to people all around the world. Analysing this quality is very difficult. People relate to the poem instinctively - it touches human reactions at an unconscious level. People love the poem without necessarily knowing why or how.
According to Mary Frye's recollections she took just a few minutes to write the poem; moreover she worked purely from instinct - she did not regard herself as a writer or poet in even the remotest sense. While it is remarkable for such a fabulously popular work to have been created in this way, this is not to say that such an inspirational flash automatically warrants suspicion. Creativity is mysterious. Significant artistic works can certainly come from moments of inspiration, rather than years of study and toil.
The possibility that the poem somehow evolved into its current form, with or without Mary Frye's original input, is just as amazing, nevertheless this sort of organic evolution seems to have been responsible for the poem's modern variation (from Mary Frye's claimed original version), represented by the first two versions above.
This instinctive aspect of language is fascinating, and I am open to ideas about why the poem works so well on an instinctive level.
Perhaps a factor is the repeating use of the 'I am' statements, which resonate with well known biblical statements, notably some attributed by John to Jesus (I am the bread..., I am the light..., I am the way..., I am the true vine..., etc).
Perhaps we are genetically or otherwise conditioned to respond the structure of the poem.
Let me know if you can add to this appreciation.
For example, you might find the following observations interesting:
From J McKeon, Sep 2008:
I was struck by the similarity, in metric form, of Mary Frye's poem and an ancient Irish Gaelic poem 'The Song of Amergin'. The metric form is of seven rhyming couplets of 'I am' statements, followed by an eighth expanded couplet. The rhymes are present in the original Gaelic, but absent in the translation. Amergin was a bard, and the lines are a mystery, in that they have hidden meanings which convey a message. I am not suggesting that Frye copied this poem, just that she may have been inspired to produce her poem in the same image. This is an extract of the translation into English by Robert Graves, from his book 'The White Goddess':
Robert Graves' translation is commonly known as The Song of Amergin.
Extract (full versions below):
I am a stag of seven tines,
I am a wide flood on a plain,
I am a wind on the deep waters,
I am a shining tear of the sun,
I am a hawk on a cliff,
I am fair among flowers...
I am a wide flood on a plain,
I am a wind on the deep waters,
I am a shining tear of the sun,
I am a hawk on a cliff,
I am fair among flowers...
(Robert Graves' translation of The Song of Amergin was first published in his book The White Goddess of 1948. The original work is from ancient Gaelic mythology. Thanks John McKeon, County Limerick, Ireland.)
Incidentally a 'tine', mentioned in the first line, is an antler, or, Graves speculates, seven tines might refer specifically to seven points on an antler.
N.B. If Mary Frye wrote the Do not Stand poem in 1932 this obviously predates Graves' translation above, but it most certainly does not predate the use of the 'I am...' themes which feature in both works.
The structure of the poem and the 'I am...' themes can be traced back at least a thousand years, and arguably a few thousand years, which perhaps influenced the way Do not Stand was written and/or the way interpretations have evolved, and certainly the way we respond to it today.
the song of amergin
Robert Graves provided several different interpretations of the Song of Amergin, partly because "...Unfortunately the version which survives is only a translation into colloquial Irish from Old Goidelic..", and partly because of the calendar symbolism within the poem, to which Graves applied considerable analysis. Here are the main Graves interpretations, within which you will see several themes closely matching the ones found in Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep:
Graves explained that the Song of Amergin is also known as the Song of Amorgen, and that the poem is "...said to have been chanted by the chief bard of the Milesian invaders, as he set foot on the soil of Ireland, in the year of the world 2736 (1268BC)..."
Graves also refers to the observations of historian, Dr R S Macalister, that the same piece (i.e., the Song of Amergin) is 'in garbled form' put into the mouth of the Child-bard Taliesin in telling of his transformational prior existence. This gives rise to a further variation of Graves interpretation of the poem.
Incidentally the Milesians were, according to Irish mythology, the last invaders of Ireland, arriving in Ireland in the 1st or 2nd century BC, descended from Mil Espaine or Milesius, meaning 'soldier of Hispania', because that's what he was. Hispania equates to the Spanish/Portuguese peninsula territory of the Roman Empire. Milesius was said have dreamed that his descendents would colonise Ireland, and legend tells that some of his sons did so. Goidelic equates to Gaelic in referring to the family of languages including Irish Gaelic, Scottish Gaelic, and Manx (Isle of Man). Taliesin (also known as Taliessin) was a Welsh poet of the 6th century, who according to legend entertained Celtic Kings of the time, including King Arthur. Taliesin used the Brythonic language, an old native British language family including Breton, Cornish and Welsh of that period. The Celtic language families Goidelic/Gaelic and Brythonic predated the imported Germanic and French-based languages, and therefore feature significantly in old British legend and poetry such as the Song of Amergin. Robert Graves specialised in interpreting and translating this sort of very old British poetry, and if that interests you then you'd probably find his book The White Goddess very enjoyable.
The first of Graves' translated versions of the poem is shown below with Graves' accompanying notes.
Of enormous significance, in my view, is the age of the Song of Amergin. The poem is translated from folklore dating back at least a thousand years, and the meanings and style of the poem can be linked closely with ancient Irish civilisation pre-dating the Bible, the Egyptian pyramids and Stonehenge. In this respect, the Song of Amergin is perhaps the earliest meaningful example of the use of the 'I am...' imagery which we can connect to the poetic technique found in 'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep'.
the song of amergin (literal translation - Graves)
| God speaks and says: | Gloss [Graves uses 'gloss' to refer to the meaning of each line.] |
| I am a wind of the sea, | for depth |
| I am a wave of the sea, | for weight |
| I am an ox of seven fights, (or) I am a stag of seven tines, | for strength |
| I am a griffon on a cliff, (or) I am a hawk on a cliff, | for deftness |
| I am a tear of the sun, | a dew-drop - for clearness |
| I am fair among flowers, | [no note] |
| I am a boar, | for valour |
| I am a salmon in a pool, | 'the pools of knowledge' |
| I am a lake on a a plain, |
| tear of the sun, | a dew-drop - for clearness |
| I am fair among flowers, | [no note] |
| I am a boar, | for valour |
| I am a salmon in a pool, | 'the pools of knowledge' |
| I am a lake on a a plain, | for extent |
| I am a hill of poetry, | 'and knowledge' |
| I am a battle-waging spear, | [no note] |
| I am a god who forms fire for a head. | (i.e. 'gives inspiration': Macalister) |
| or I am a god who forms sacred fire for a head. | |
| * * * | |
| 1. Who makes clear the ruggedness of the mountains? | 'Who but myself will resolve every question?' |
| or Who but myself knows the assemblies of the dolmen-house on the mountain of Slieve Mis? | |
| 2. Who but myself knows where the sun shall set? | |
| 3. Who fortells the ages of the moon? | |
| 4. Who brings the cattle from the House of Tethra and segragates them? | (i.e. 'the fish, Macalister, i.e. 'the stars', MacNeill) |
| 5. On whom do the cattle of Thethra smile? | |
| or For whom but me will the fish of the laughing ocean be making welcome? | |
| 6. Who shapes weapons from hill to hill? | 'wave to wave, letter to letter, point to point' |
| * * * | |
| Invoke, People of the Sea, invoke the poet, that he may compose a spell for you. | |
| For I, the Druid, who set out letters in Ogham, | |
| I, who part combatants, | |
| I will approach the rath of the Sidhe to seek a cunning poet that together we may concoct incantations. | |
| I am the wind of the sea. |
© Robert Graves Copyright Trust, 1948, 1952, 1997.
The above is the full and relatively literal translation by Robert Graves of the ancient Irish folklore poem, the Song of Amergin. It is reproduced here including Graves' poem line notes, from The White Goddess (1948, by Robert Graves, edited by Grevel Lindop), under licensed permission from A P Watt Ltd on behalf of the Trustees of the Robert Graves Copyright Trust. Publication of the Song of Amergin is not allowed without permission from A P Watt Ltd.
additional notes for the song of amergin version above
These notes are interesting in their own right, but additionally some of what follows provides clues as to how certain words, language and imagery can give rise to powerful human responses, such as occurs in relation to 'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep', as if at an instinctive, primeval or even genetic level.
Thethra (according to ancient Briton/Celtic folklore), Graves explained was "...the king of the undersea land from which the People of the Sea were supposed to have originated."
The Sidhe are (at time of Grave's writing) regarded as fairies, but in early Irish poetry were a 'highly cultured and dwindling' nation of warriors and poets living in raths (hill forts), notably New Grange on the Boyne. Graves alludes to parallels between the Sidhe warriors and other mythical tribes. The Sidhe apparently had blue eyes, long curly yellow hair, and pale faces, tattoos, carried white shields, and were sexually promiscous but 'without blame or shame'. Seemingly, Graves informs us, the Mosynoechians ('wooden-castle-dwellers') of the Black Sea coast were also tattooed, carried white shields, and 'performed the sex act in public', presumably also 'without blame or shame'. It was a man's world b
back then for sure.
For me, the comparison between the Irish Sidhe and the Mosynoechians of the Black Sea coast helps the appreciation that the significant meaning of mythological and spiritual imagery is fundamental in human existence - then as now - and somehow might be inherited genetically, aside from through the spoken and written word.
The ancient history of the Boyne makes the 1690 Battle of the Boyne seem comparatively very recent. Boyne is in the county of Meath, north of Dublin, on the north-east coast of Ireland. Boyne is the site of Brú na Bóinne, also known as Brugh na Bóinne, meaning 'palace or dwelling place of the Boyne'. Brú na Bóinne is a settlement and ceremonial area more than 5,000 years old, which to put in perspective existed at least 3,000 years before the baby Jesus was an an eye in God's twinkle, if you will forgive the blasphemy.
Slieve Mis is a mountain range in Kerry. In Irish - Sliabh Mish - is named after a mythological Celtic princess noted for her cruelty.
A 'tine' is an antler. Graves suggests that seven tines might refer to seven points on an antler, on the basis that a stag having six or more points on each antler and being at least seven years old, was regarded as a 'royal stag', although he does not explain further the meaning of a 'royal stag'.
More interestingly, Graves then explains that the poem in its original form (or as close to the original form as Graves was able to determine) would most likely have been 'pied' - that is to say, its 'esoteric' (subtle, purist) meaning would have been disguised. In other words, the meaning was intentionally made difficult to decipher, 'for reasons of security'.
The weaving of hidden meanings into poetry is widely practised, although in more modern times this is for artistic or sensual or subliminal appreciation purposes. Graves suggests that the hidden meanings in the old Celtic poetry, of which the Song of Amergin is an example, held more strategic, perhaps even sinister, implications: as if the poetry were an instrument of leadership or control, and its hidden meanings empowered the chosen few who knew the code.
Graves decoded the Song of Amergin as follows, rearranging the statements of the first main verse according to the thirteen-month calendar and his ideas about the Druid system of lettering, which (for reasons too complex to explain here) linked trees with letters and months of the year:
e song of amergin (popular modernised version - Graves)
Graves says that the poem can be expanded as follows, according to further analysis and overlay of the alphabetical coding within the writings.
| God speaks and says: | ||
| I am a stag of seven tines, | ||
| Over the flooded world, | ||
| I am borne by the wind, | ||
| I descend in tears like dew, I lie glittering. | ||
| I fly aloft like a griffon to my nest on the cliff, | ||
| I bloom among the loveliest flowers, | ||
| I am both the oak and the lightning that blasts it, | ||
| I embolden the spearsman, | ||
| I teach the councillors their wisdom, | ||
| I inspire the poets, | ||
| I rove the hills like a conquering boar, | ||
| I roar like the winter sea, | ||
| I return like the receding wave, | ||
| Who but I can unfold the secrets of the unhewen dolmen? | ||
| I am the womb of every holt, | A | Graves suggested this five-line pendant, |
| I am the blaze on every hill, | O | which features in copies of the work. |
| I am the queen of every hive, | U | |
| I am the shield to every head, | E | |
| I am the tomb to every hope. | I |
© Robert Graves Copyright Trust, 1948, 1952, 1997. Reproduced from The White Goddess (1948, by Robert Graves, edited by Grevel Lindop), under licensed permission from A P Watt Ltd on behalf of the Trustees of the Robert Graves Copyright Trust. Publication of the Song of Amergin is not allowed without permission from A P Watt Ltd.
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