Twain Wreck

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain

There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
Mark Twain

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.
Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Mark Twain

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Mark Twain

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain

Only one thing, is impossible for god: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Mark Twain

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Mark Twain

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Mark Twain

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Mark Twain

When in doubt tell the truth.

Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.

Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Mark Twain

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

Mark Twain

Man is the only Animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Mark Twain

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain